Me of Little Faith

Justin's car does not like to get wet. In fact, it will throw a fit and decide not to work for a few days following any kind of less-than-sunny day to tell us so.

You may have heard (unless you have somehow managed to not watch any television, get online, read the newspapers, hear anything on the radio, or interact with anyone in the past week) that Dallas has had some interesting weather lately. The little Avenger got to experience rain, sleet, snow, ICE, and below-freezing temperatures for several days last week and has not forgiven us for it yet. (For the record, as a fellow believer that weather should stay above 60 degrees at all times, I don't really blame the little car.) That being said, Justin and I are back to carpooling for the time being.

And so this morning, I got to drop my sweet husband off at school.  As I drove away, I could not help feeling abundantly blessed.  He is a treasure to me.  I still find myself amazed that I get to be married to him, and that he makes being married to him so easy. I have been blessed by a supportive family, precious friends, a vehicle that is as reliable as any man-made creation might be, a good job, an education, with all of the fundamental life necessities readily available to me.

And yet I still find myself struggling with trusting God sometimes.  Not so much trusting that he CAN take care of me - of that I have no doubt. But I do find myself questioning HOW he will choose to take care of me.  Because although I know that he has a much better perspective on my life and the world and on my role in his plan, I also know that often his plans are not always comfortable, predictable, and do not always line up with what I have in mind.

Justin and I are at an interesting point in our lives right now. I am almost finished with grad school here in Dallas, which means that we are in the midst of making decisions regarding jobs, homes, where we want to live, and what the next step looks like for us. Meanwhile, in order to graduate (allowing us to take that next step) and become a fully licensed SLP, I have to take some pretty weighty exams in the next couple of months.  I have been bouncing between the battles of apathy and anxiety in regard to these upcoming tests, between just wanting to be finished with everything and feeling absolutely overwhelmed by all of the material I have encountered within the last 6 years. I find myself becoming anxious, and then quickly realizing that God really is in charge, and really will take care of everything. Isn't that a beautiful thing?  There is no decision I can make, no test I can so badly fail that I can take away from His power and His glory.

I am doing a Bible study with our church over the book of Genesis. What a great read to remind us who is in charge, and what is truly of eternal significance.  While I was reading yesterday, the study took me to Psalm  19.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; 

the skies proclaim the work of his hands. 

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language 

where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world."

What a relief to know that if I do nothing, if I move to the wrong place, or do not learn the right information, the glory of God will still be proclaimed. Creation exists for that purpose: to bring glory to God and to speak of his greatness - and to do it in a manner in which no SLP is necessary!  It is nice to be reminded that this is just a moment in my life, and that if the Creator of the world has something in mind for me or brings me to something that I do not fully understand, He has a purpose for it.  How gracious a God to love me and forgive me for my lack of faith. Remembering how insignificant you are can be a strangely peaceful thing when you serve a God as big as mine.  And so this week, my faith is not in my car, my family, my home, or even my precious husband. It is in the Creator of life and the Prince of Peace.  How about you?